Disclaimer: this article was written by our staff writer who has ADHD.
1. ADHD: It’s hot, it’s hip, it’s a vibe!
It’s the neurodevelopmental disorder de-jour which stands for *checks notes*, **can’t find notes**, ***starts frantically rummaging around room which is covered in piles of disorganised shit, which are now even more disorganised piles of even more shit ***, er actually…..fuck it, go google it.
I was gonna start with an explanation of ADHD before nominating it’s five most annoying traits, but given I just demonstrated one of them – executive disfunction causing a lack of organisation and working memory – let’s make this #1 and move along shall we.
2. For #2 I was thinking of describing the problems ADHD sufferers have with anxiety, depression and low self-esteem due to set backs caused by the condition which effects their ability to function in normal society, but then thought that might be a bit too heavy for a piece which my editor wanted to be funny and and depression isn’t very funny and I don’t wanna piss him off because he’s given me a job, and I’ve lost a loooot of jobs and I don’t wanna lose another one or I will again be depressed, so I’m desperate to make the most of this opportunity to sit in my sharehouse bedroom in trackie-dacks writing listicles on the internet six months short of my 40th birthday. Which is another way of saying that ADHD causes indecision, overthinking and ruminating over normally straightforward things which therefore take much longer to do. This is otherwise known as Analysis Paralysis! (Phew).
3. Given I now work online and spend a lot of time there (not for work, just you know, watching porn and stuff) I thought #3 should be dopamine scrolling.
A of lack of dopamine in the brain is the root cause of ADHD and to get more of it we seek stimulation, which scrolling social media on your phone is perfect for. There’s an endless stream of constantly updating content right at your finger-tips and it’s also great for ignoring people you don’t want to talk to, increasing your phone bills, and lowering your self-confidence. Speaking of social media…
4. Because ADHDer’s spend so much time on social media, the whole fucking place is absolutely full of these pixey faced, ‘influencers’ telling twee stories about a condition that doesn’t seem to affect them and they appear to know nothing about, which is probably because THEY DON’T FUCKING HAVE IT! IF I SEE OR HEAR ANOTHER OF THESE VACOUS LITTLE SHITS TELL ME ADHD IS A SUPERPOWER, I MIGHT DEVELOP THE SUPER POWER TO REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND SMASH THEIR…. *knock on door* ‘are you ok in there’?………….er, yeah, I’m fine. Ahem, oh yeah, ADHD can cause extreme frustration and angry outbursts. Sorry.
5. Don’t worry, thankfully I’m diagnosed and take regular medication that helps me function normally. Now where did I put them? Have I taken them today? Shit, maybe my script’s expired…